Anger

Soon after my husband died, I attended the annual conference for TAP’S (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors) up in Washington, DC.  Admiral Mike Mullen, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff was a guest speaker.  Afterwards his wife sought me out in the audience as Admiral Mullen had just finished writing my sympathy card that morning.  She insisted that I speak with her husband.  She took my hand and guided me over to him.  We spoke briefly.  He asked me how my husband had died and then went on to comment that it was unusual to come across the death of a LtCol.  

Today I read an article about a mentor advisor team in Afghanistan that is being led by a USMC Captain.  This news coupled with the words of the Admiral, fueled my first bit of anger toward Ben's death.  It made me cry heavy, hot tears.  My anger lashed out in all directions. Why is a team being led by a Captain?  Is this the same type of leadership billet that my husband had filled just a few weeks ago? Did my husband die while doing a job that a Marine 10 years his junior could have done?  If so, why was his name put up against that position and given no other options.  It was literally a dead end job for him. 

Or on the other hand...... Did the United States Marine Corps run out of Field Officers that could be a team leader?  Are they too busy taking up space and tripping over each other at our FOBs in Afghanistan? Maybe they are too busy with their own career advancements to think about actually leading Marines. 

All of this just makes me angry but I have to let it go. 


Buddha says "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

I get it.....